I Should Have
by FaunLoricato
Summary: Fem!John x Karkat. Joan moves to a small city after seven years of failed relationships, loss, and regrets to start off fresh and learn to just be herself again with the help of her friend Rose. Though her plans are thrown off when a certain Karkat Vantas manages to worm his way into her broken life. He plans on showing her all the things the rest have done wrong. T for now...
1. Chapter 1-Told her it was going to be ok

So yeah I probably have no business writing something new but my hearts not really into Soul Eater at the moment. Also since reading HomeStuck, I have a new OTP JohnKat. All the fucking way. No A/N spoilers this time. Fem!John aka Joan. I hope you guys like this. No fucks are given about grammar, don't even bother.

I OWN NOTHING

I should have...

Chapter One- Told her it was going to be ok

"Here we are! You're new apartment!" Your best friend's cheerful voice only got a sad smile in return. It was spacious enough, and above a new age shop that your best friend Rose owned. Being in a small city's down town had some perks. The studio apartment was all you needed and could afford at the moment anyway. The reason you were moving in flooded your senses quickly making you cringe.

No self-loathing No self-loathing No self-loathing...

Shit...

God damn it you couldn't stop the tears and Rose's arms wrapped around you holding you and carding through the remnants of the once long hair you had butchered off yourself.

You were so lucky you had her in your life. Your family and the rest of your friends didn't understand your decision. Rose and your sister Jade were the only ones to have your back. Rose had even gotten the land lord to rent you the apartment above her shop for dirt cheap, since it had sat vacant for a while.

"The moving guys will be here soon..." She whispered, still holding and rocking you. "Do you need me to take care of it?"

You shake your head.

"I think I can please stay with me though."

"Of course..."

It was a long tedious process that Rose commandeered from you; though you were silently grateful for it. "Joan, you mind going and grabbing coffee next door? I'll pay you back later."

This you could do, this was easy and didn't involve looking at the sad scraps of your life. You push the money back and shake your head with a smile. "I got this, don't worry. What would you like?"

"That white chocolate latte, medium's fine."

"That 'twas very -punny-!"

You got a sigh and a little grin at the terribad joke.

You offered coffee to the two movers and they told you French vanilla iced coffees would be great.

The blue billboard read 'River Street Cafe', it looked cozy enough and there was a stage in the back where local bands would play. You began to think you might like this town.

===== Joan be the pissed off barista who hates this fucking place.

...

You are now Karkat Vantas and god damn it you hate this job. Too bad Gamzee's family owned it, and your best friend wouldn't appreciate it if you ruined things for his family on purpose. Accidents were excused however and you were considering having an 'accidental' slip of the lips if this bitchette didn't hurry her ass over to counter and just fucking order already. Fucking hell you could FEEL your eye twitching!

She was in front of you soon enough, and fucking hell it was impossible to have eyes that blue. If she didn't have ridiculous glasses on you would have thought they were contacts.

"Hi welcome to River Street, what can I get you?"

===== Karkat be the slightly off put but will still try to be polite Joan.

The guy at the counter is in a prissy mood, quick Joan use polite niceties while ordering!

You manage a fair attempt at a smile. "Hi there! Can I get two medium French vanilla iced coffees, one medium white chocolate latte, and Oh! A medium cup of the Prozac blend, please."

"21.87"

You pull out your card and he quickly swipes it before going off muttering to himself as he prepared the order.

You kind of space out again, thinking about everything that's happened the last year; a loud pissy 'ahem' gets your attention and you look up see him glaring at you.

"Took you long enough Space Cadet, here." He bit out as he pushed the drink carrier towards you. You blush furiously and push your glasses up your nose with your left hand.

"I-I'm sorry about that, thank you for your patience. And thank you the drinks look great."

Your failed attempt at perky niceties gets you a slightly guilty look and a muttered 'you're welcome' before you give a shy smile and head out the door.

====== Joan be the meddling coworker friend

You are now Sollux Captor

And your devious smile is directed at your longtime friend and coworker Karkat, who was blushing with a sappy look as the door chime rang and the girl with the soft smile and choppy black locks walked out of the edge of the windows view.

"Tho KK, who wath that?"

Almost instantly the love struck expression left and was replaced by irritation.

"How the fuck should I know?! I've never met her before in my life!"

You laugh past your friend's border line yelling; and grab one of his dimples making him smack your hand away.

"Tho...?"

"What?"

"You wrote thomething on her cup, what did you write? Trying to pick her up?" You snickered but KK's face fell a bit and he blushed some more. You leaned in because you had never heard him talk so softly.

"What?"

"She was trying so hard to smile and be nice but she looked so drained..."

You smirk. "Well thhe came here for caffeine."

He swats at you.

"No Fuckass, not like tired... Like so emotionally drained like if she had done time in Azkaban."

Your eyebrows go up and you look out the window she had just passed not too long ago.

"What did you write?"

"I wrote..."

===== Be the slightly stunned and micro cheered up caffeine consumer

You are now Joan, and this might have been the first real half smile you have had in over a year.

'You don't have to smile

- KK'

"Joan? What is it?" Rose looks intrigued as if she didn't foresee this happening in her cards.

The little quirk of your lips stays in place not looking up at your friend. "Nothing really just a nice note from the guy at the shop, KK I guess..."

You miss the quiet happiness and hint of hope in your friend's smile.

"Oh?"

You don't care that she's doing the psycho analysis thing again.

"He said I don't have to force a smile, pretty much..."

Rose smiles and squeezes your shoulder before leaving you alone in your new place.

It was so quiet...

*Several hours later*

========== Be the crabby guy that just got off work

You are Karkat Vantas and thank god you are out of that shit hole you call work. You lock up and open the door to the stairwell that led to your apartment above the shops.

As you pull the key out of your pocket you realize that you smell cookies baking in the apartment across the hall that you had thought to be unoccupied.

You weren't even thinking just compelled by curiosity when you knocked on the door. Almost immediately kicking yourself but were cut off when the door opened to the girl that you had met earlier at the shop, though her eyes were puffy and her shirt was covered in flour.

"Oh hello... KK...?"

You rubbed the back of your neck and tried not to blush.

"Well yeah, short for Karkat."

She quirks a corner of her mouth.

"My name's Joan, it's nice to formally meet you Karkat... You wanna come in I was making cookies?"

You give her a weary smile as you nodded and followed her inside.

"Excuse the mess I just got here earlier today."

"It's fine, not too bad for just getting here. I know when I moved across the hall it took me awhile to unpack."

You follow her to the kitchen and take a seat on the kitchen counter.

"I hope you don't mind they're gluten free."

You shrug, looking at the stack of DVD's sitting next to a laptop. "No that's cool. So what kind of movies do you like?"

She seemed to pause and drift off for a moment.

"Well... I used to like some pretty crappy movies when I was a kid but now a days, mostly anime and bad horror films. How about you?" She asked in return as she took a finished batch off the pan.

You fix her with an odd look contemplating weather to give her you full cinematic opinion, and decide to proceed with caution.

"As a baseless horror film goer, you would not understand the complexities of more romantically inclined movies."

Her eyes glazed. "RomComs? They're about as realistic as Peter Pan. They warp the mind's expectations of another person. We all can't be all together all the time and the way they gloss over the fact that women don't automatically become submissive just because you married them."

Her biting tone pissed you off yet intrigued you at the same time.

"Oh but those are for shitty writers, have you ever seen 'A walk to remember'? The Female lead, guides him to redemption and makes him a better man, and-"

"I've seen it, and I hate that it made me cry. I hate that her father domineered her life, I hate that she was so weak she couldn't… Never mind…"

Well shit, this was not going the way you planed. If you even had a plan; you kind of blindly waltz into a strange girl's apartment.

"I'm sorry; I haven't quite been myself lately." She sighed taking out an old cookie tin.

"If you want, you can come over one night for a movie night and I'll show you a few that I think you would be more interested in."

Her gaze was so cautious it caught your breath; she was looking for something there. Intention? Sincerity? 'I can't handle being hurt again' painted so clearly you just wanted to hold her, but you refrained.

"Sure I guess, maybe tomorrow night?" She whispered her buck teeth worrying at her bottom lip.

You gave her a rare soft grin. "Yeah that sounds good, would you like to come over to my place though? I noticed you don't really have much in the way of furniture."

She nods softly and holds out the tin she had put a majority of the cookies in, and you take it; the caring feeling imparted by from scratch goods touching your heart.

"Thank you, Joan."

"You're welcome Karkat, and … thank you for coming over, I'm already looking forward to tomorrow."

Your name is Karkat Vantas and as you walk into your own apartment and lock the door, you realize you are already fucking twiterpatted over the emotionally damaged girl across the hall.

"FUCK…."

Facepalm combo times two!

Well I hoped you enjoyed it! I'm already working on the next chapter, just trying to figure out how I want it to go. Any Michigan anime/HS fans I hope to see you all at this year's Youmacon, my best friend and I will be going. She'll be doing a LOL cosplay and I'm still in debate about which HomeStuck toon I will cosplay as, decisions decisions…. Till then R+R! Thank you

~Faun


	2. Chapter 2- Put forth some effort

Hey =D Hopefully you guys are liking this so far. I've been working on this while I'm out and about but it's hard to get to an actual computer to edit and upload at the moment. Sorry it's a rather short chapter. I'm finally free of the South as of June first, going home to Michigan. So flipping happy, hopefully I'll see some of you guys at Youmacon, normally there's a HomeStuck meet up!

I OWN NOTHING

I Should Have…

Chapter Two – Put forth some effort

====== Sollux go have some pot brownies with Gamzee

Hell fucking yeah...

"So Solbro, what in the mother loving hell has been up Brother?"

I lazily crammed half a brownie in my mouth and sipped some milk. This was the best way to wrap up the work week hands down. I felt so fucking relaxed.

"Not much, man. Been laughing at KK, he already hath' a cruth'h on the new girl that moved up th'airth'."

Gamzee nodded sagely at me.

"Dat chicka, Joan... Man... Karbro better proceed with mother fucking caution..."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Oh?"

"Man, Solbro, she just got divorced and kinda disowned for it. There was something else but my parents didn't want me knowing all her mother fucking business. But some really bad shit must have went down for them not to talk about it."

I frowned and tried to wrap my head around what he was telling. I was just a little buzzed but it was already effecting me. That made no sense she was white, didn't seem to have an arranged marriage or anything.

"Dude you're harth'hing my mellow. Thith' th'hit ith' depreth'ing. What could be th'o bad you would be dith'owned?"

Gamzee shrugged.

"I dunno Solbro, kinda is shit, I knew her bro and he was a funny ass mother fucking, but their parents, not so much man... They're hyper religious."

No more needed to be said, we just leaned back into the couch and Gamzee turned on the well love PS2 and loaded Katamari Damacy.

"Fuck yeth'!"

"I will roll you up into my life Solbro. My mother... fucking... life, man..."

"Oh god where fuck did you come from?"

"Shit that cat took all my miracles... Damn..."

Milk bottles, toys, candy, small animals and children; nothing was safe from our hour long conquest.

Gamzee suddenly stopped scrolling through the presents and turned to look at me like a kid at Christmas.

"Solbro we should order pizza..."

"Jet'th?"

"Mother fucking yeah, Brother... Let me call them."

I hand him twenty from my wallet.

"My half, you know what I want."

He laughed and took it.

"Gonna get our grub on, it's gonna be a miracle..." His smile covered his entire face.

I finished the rest of my brownie as Gamzee order what he liked to call the fatass special. Cheese bread the size of an extra-large pizza and a large pizza for each of us. It was wonder we still so fucking thin

after doing this almost every Friday night since we started going to the same high school.

He plopped down on the couch next to me, leafing through his game binder.

"Solbro, where is Krobro? I thought he was coming tonight?"

I laughed my ass off for a minute thinking about it.

"He'th trying to woo Joan, trying to make a 'Gluten free dinner' and some shitty rom com."

We laughed about that till the pizza came. The kid at the door was blushing as Gamzee flirted with him. Definitely the juggulo's type, he was short with a baby face, brown hair cut into a wide Mohawk that wasn't styled today and brown doe eyes.

I sunk back into the couch and smiled.

Yep, Fridays were the best...

===== Karkat show those mother fuckers that you can cook

Looks pretty fucking edible, now the moment of truth...

He looked at the chicken skewers doubtfully before grabbing a bit and popping it into his mouth.

Though it looked nothing like the Pinterest picture it was pretty fucking good.

His phone went off to show a text from Rose, who was somewhat family...? She was dating Kayana that was more sister than friend.

He wondered what she could possibly want.

R: I hear you are treating Joan to a movie tonight.

More cryptic bs, she was doing that analytical meddling garbage again.

K: WHY YES ROSE, I HAVE 'COME OUT OF MY SHELL' AS YOU NAG ME TO DO ALL THE FUCKING TIME AND AM TRYING TO BEFRIEND MY NEW NEIGHBOR. NOW CUT THE CRYPTIC BULL SHIT. WHAT DO YOU WANT?

R: Simply put, Joan has been a close friend for many years. I am simply being a little protective which is normal in a platonic relationship. As I am on the subject, I must advise that if Joan were to ever be harmed one might meet with... An unfortunate accident.

K: ... WAY TO BE CREEPY AS FUCK ROSE . I MAY BE THE WORLDS BIGGEST PRICK SOMETIMES BUT IS YOUR FAITH IN ME THAT LITTLE?

R: I know that you are not in fact the world's biggest prick. I'm simply worried for her that is all. These days I find myself deeply concerned for her.

K: WELL... I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT THOUGH WHY ARE YOU SO WORRIED? I CAN TELL SHE'S A BIT DOWN, I DON'T KNOW WHY THOUGH.

R: That's something she would have to tell you in time. I was simply going to inquire what you planned to watch with her. She seems to be easily triggered these days, though I think we can both agree to never let your brother hear about that.

I shuddered; there was only so much Kankri one could take.

R: She likes anime, bonus points to His and Her circumstance. Avoid quick marriages and anything with babies.

K: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN WITH THAT ONE. LOOK I GOT STUFF TO DO I DO NOT HAVE TIME TO DEAL WITH YOUR WEIRD ASS FREUD SHIT OR WHAT EVER THE FUCK YOU'RE ON NOW.

He set his phone on the coffee table as someone knocked at his door. Checking the peephole he had the tiniest hint of a smirk/smile before opening the door.

"Hey Karkat! I hope you like Woodchuck!"

A six pack of the hard cider was held up in front of his face as she gigglesnorted, her derpy buck tooth smile making his heart speed up.

God he needed to stop being such a love sick idiot.

Welp thanks for reading! I have some down time tomorrow so hopefully I can get some more done. R+R!

~Faun


	3. Chapter 3 -Appreciated her

Sorry it took me a while to update. I had to unpack and get my shit together, and now I have a pretty sweet set up for my computer; I'm so fucking comfy at the moment, you guys have no idea.

I OWN NOTHING

I Should Have…

Chapter Three- Appreciated her for who she was…

===== Joan derp around with Rose and Kanaya.

It's mother fucking cosplay time bitches!

It was a rare day off for both Rose and Kanaya, and they had come over for 'Bizarre Cosplay Rock Band Classics Day' to cheer me up; Rose was Alois Trancy and Kanaya was Ciel Phantomhive, while I had on my Hatsuharu Sohma outfit. We used to do this a lot when we were in high school, and it was still hella fun. Never mind we had done jack shit to fix up the place other than finding the stuff for today.

"I suppose it is your turn Haru, please just choose something that isn't for the ramble." Kanaya's regal brat impression was spot on; she took this very seriously.

We all took turns signing the other two swapping the guitar and bass, I was signing this time so I got to pick the song.

'Living on a Prayer'

Rose gave me such a look. "Truly? Shall we play the rabble then dearest Ciel? Young Haru seems entrenched in reliving past youth fawning over Nicholas Cage…"

"Oh har hardy har har! Come on, let me have my fanvid 'Con Air' moment."

"Speaking of potential fawning, a little bird told me that yourself and my brother from another mother had a lovely time watching anime the other night." Kanaya looked over, the shadow from her Lolita hat falling down her face, accenting her smirk all the more.

My fingers tightened on the controller, trying to keep my face a carefree mask. "Yeah we had a good time. We watched His and Her circumstance, and I actually liked it."

For some reason Rose seemed to glow hearing that, but I ignored it in favor of starting up the song.

I had missed this, acting like a kid once in a while, not overburdened with responsibility, being able to relax and let my guard down… Yeah I had missed this more than anything.

=== Joan be the not so grumpy pants

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you are enjoying your day off with your younger half sister, Nepeta.

"Karkitty, would you like some ice cream? My treat today!"

The drive out to the boonies where she was working and living at a stable with her longtime boyfriend, Equius, was worth it. Especially when they had gotten Amish pie from a stand on the way back.

God damn did he love their pie. They could call him whatever they liked behind his back in Dutch as long as they kept the pie coming.

"Sure, sounds good Nep."

She laughed and snaked her arm through his and lead them towards Blondie's down the road. God he had forgotten how much she loved sweets, and the mom and pop candy ice cream cornucopia was too much for her to handle.

"So how has school and work been Karkitty?" Nepeta called out as she came back outside to the park area, two large sundaes in her hands.

"Schools been good, had to drop down to part time though, and work is the same as ever I guess. Though there is a new girl across the hall from me upstairs. I think you would like her, her name's Joan Egbert."

"Oh? Tell me brother dearest, is she puuurrrfect?"

"Seriously Nep?"

"Quite! It's rare when you get to know someone so quickly, let alone act like a smitten kitten!"

"NEP!"

Well, there goes looking manly with that yelp, I buried my face in my hands.

"Well now that I know for sure." She cackled and ate her ice cream with a victorious smirk.

"You diabolical diabetes inducing little shit…"

"It's why you love me though."

"Anyway…" I rolled my eyes, having another bite before continuing. "I really do think you'll like her, she made me some cookies a bit ago, and then last night she came over for an anime night."

God you could see the ship becoming her OTP in her brain…

"OH MY GOD, KARKITTY! I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU! WHEN DO I GET TO MEET HER?!"

I hesitated, and then just sighed, nothing would deter her now.

"Later, once we finish this and hit the store, we can stop by and see if her, Rose and Kanaya wanna come too, ok?"

She pouted then whipped out her phone.

"Nep?"

"Hush, Karkitty, I'm making sure they come, and we will go to Loya's tonight."

== Be the girl Nepeta's texting

You are now Kanaya and you had forgotten that Karkat was bringing Nepeta back to town for a bit.

A smile makes its way across your face as you turn to Rose. "Nepeta just texted me, Karkat just picked her up today and they want to have dinner with us at Loya's tonight." You tell Rose and Joan.

There's a flash of terribly hidden jealously on Joan's face, and you have to restrain your smirk. "Nepeta?"

Rose slung an arm around their friend's shoulder, giving her a reassuring smile. "His younger half-sister; she's a sweet, but eccentric girl. I think you two would actually make great friends."

Joan smiles at you, nodding. "Count me in, sounds fun, though…."

All of you looked down at your cosplay costumes, and began to gigglesnort.

You clear your throat after a bit. "Perhaps now would be a good time to go change and reconvene, and oh say… one hour?"

Rose catches your eye and winks.

You hope an hour will be enough…

Sorry this was just a quick update, I hope to get more done soon since I have a three day weekend in the middle of the week! Woot woot! Next chapter is gonna be fun ;D Seriously though I'm surprised no one's guessed who Joan's ex is yet… And I'll leave you to ponder that now.

~ Faun


End file.
